Gin the Super Wrestler
by lotus-genie
Summary: A parody of the slapstick wrestling series of Kinnikuman using Gintama characters. Can also be enjoyed if the reader does not know of Kinnikuman.
1. Giant Dogs aren't always hallucinations

_This story is best enjoyed if you are also a fan of Kinnikuman. Kinnikuman is a slapstick wrestling series about a loser superhero named Kinnikuman who has to defend the earth from other, evil, superhumans called choujins. Often, he had to pull out victories, at times literally, from his butt. Throughout the series, Kinnikuman gains friends who help him fight and has many adventures. The series ended with Kinnikuman becoming king of his home planet. If you need more information, please go and search the Kinnikuman article on wikipedia. This story is a parody of Kinnikuman using Gintama characters._

_Even if you have no prior knowledge of Kinnikuman, please try to enjoy this story for what it is. I do not own Kinnikuman or Gintama and this story was written purely for fun._

* * *

Sakata Gintoki sat in a chair, staring at his delicious ice cream parfait. He held his spoon slightly above the treat, wondering which side he was going to start eating from. After much consideration, he decided to eat the cherry on top first. After he had consumed the first mouthful, he began to slowly eat the rest of the parfait, savoring its taste as it glided in his mouth and rolled down his throat.

Suddenly a loud noise came from outside the shop. In addition to startling Gin, it had the unfortunate effect of knocking over his parfait. Gin stared in mute horror as his weekly allowance of sugar dropped onto the ground.

"What the hell is this?" Gin screamed, rushing out of the ice cream store. He was shocked into silence as he saw the huge spaceship parked in front of him.

A huge dog proceeded to bounce out of the spaceship. It stared at Gin, panting with anticipation.

"Okay, you oversized mutt," Gin found the courage to speak again. "Do you know what you've just done? I love sugar so much that I'm about to get diabetes. The doctor put me on a diet of only one parfait per week. But now, you've ruined my one and only parfait!"

The dog seemed to stare at Gin apologetically, but then swallowed his head. Gin struggled for a while before pulling himself out of the dog's mouth.

"Prince." The odd translator device on the dog's collar displayed as the dog gave a short yip.

"What prince?" Gin swiveled his head around, looking for someone who might resemble a prince. "I don't see any princes."

"You are the prince." The dog's collar displayed again.

"What, you mean me?" Gin pointed to himself. "You've got the wrong person."

"No, you are the Prince of the Silver Planet, located in the Andromeda Galaxy. You even look like our late king." The dog let out a series of barks that translated into two long sentences. He then spit out a picture that he has been hiding under his tongue. The man in the photo had the same silver colored natural perm that Gin had.

"Even if I look like this guy, it's a complete accident. I was born and raised on Earth." Gin asserted.

"No!" The dog yipped. "I'll tell you what happened. Twenty-something years ago, the Queen of Silver planet and her Prince Consort were on a 1 night/2 day vacation on Earth. However…"

The scene in front of Gin suddenly transformed into a flashback scene. "What is that thing doing here?"

"Every anime needs a gratuitous flashback" The dog answered. "Now shut up and watch the scene, Perm." To emphasize his point, he bit Gin's head.

Gin growled and did as the dog suggested. In the flashback, a pretty young woman was leaning against a handsome young man, who was smoking a pipe. Behind the couple, a young boy with curly silver hair slept in a cradle. However, unbeknownst to the parents, a pig snuggled up with the baby and crept under the blankets.

"Honey, a pig is with the baby!" The mother called, looking back at her child.

"What? How did that happen?' The father—well, stepfather—jumped up and grabbed one of the bundles lying in the bed. "Get out of here, pig!" He threw said bundle out of the ship. As it fell toward earth, its wrappings flew off and it was revealed to be the baby.

"Everything will be alright, sweetie." The mother held her baby close. Yet, when her baby started making oinking noises, she knew that something was wrong. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that the "baby" in her hands was actually the pig. "Honey, what did you do?"

Gin was now transported to the outside of the spaceship. As he watched, the ship began shaking while the stepfather argued "It's not my fault that your son looks like a pig!" The only things he could hear later were noises of someone being beaten.

"…After that, you fell to Earth and lived until the present." The dog finished.

"Yeah, it feels really good to know that my real parents were idiots.' Gin muttered. "Why did they send for me after more than twenty years?"

"You are the prince of the Silver people and a superhero." The dog answered, beating around the bush. "You must come back to do your duty, as you are a hero."

Gin blinked twice and slowly shook his head. "I get it. This is all a hallucination brought on by lack of sugar in my system. If I go back and eat a few parfaits, you and everything else associated with you will disappear. After all, how could I really be talking to a giant dog, and how could I really be an Amanto superhero? Yeah…a hallucination, all a hallucination."

"No!" The dog bit on to Gin's head to stop him from leaving. "I have proof that the people of the Sakata clan were superheroes!" He lifted up a patch of fur from his chest. "Look here! This is the mark of the Sakata's! It's the identifying mark of a true hero. You should have a mark like this on your body too." The mark that he showed was a stylized kanji for "silver" surrounded by a circle.

Gin looked around a bit on his chest and arms. "Nope, can't find it. I knew that you had the wrong person."

"Stop!" The dog clenched Gin's clothes with his teeth. Gin did not let this deter him and continued to walk forward. With a loud rip, Gin's clothes came off. On his left butt cheek, there was the clear mark of the Sakata clan.

"Hey give me back my clothes, you damn mutt! You're the most annoying hallucination that I've seen!" Gin grabbed his samurai robe and made a makeshift loincloth. While doing so, he saw the mark on his butt. "This is just getting weirder and weirder. I'm actually hallucinating marks on my body now."

"You see, prince? I'm here to take you back to planet Silver. The pig that was mistaken for you is running rampant. The queen desires to train you into a true Silver Planet warrior and take your throne back from the pig. That is why we need you back." The dog barked excitedly, chewing on Gin's head all the while.

"Wait…I still have something important to do." Gin turned away from the dog. He proceeded run to the nearest book shop and buy the newest issue of Shonen Jump. "If I'm going to hallucinate, I might as well as get some Jump into the hallucination."

The dog angrily bit Gin's head. "How is this important?"

"Hey, Jump is the cornerstone of all manga! Even the artist of this comic got his start in Jump!" Gin snapped.

The dog bit Gin's head even harder. "We're going home!"

"I don't want to go on some sort of drug trip with you! I hallucinated you, so now I'm unhallucinating you!" Gin shook his head quickly. "It's not there…It's not there…It's not there…"

"Does this hurt?" The dog suddenly asked, biting Gin's head.

"Of course it does, you giant mutt!"

"Then this is real. You can't hurt in dreams."

Gin groaned. "You got me there. But…I'm still not going on a trip that sounds so dangerous."

"Wait!" The dog barked. "Aren't you a jack-of-all-trades? I want to hire you to get back to Planet Silver."

Gin looked up at the dog. "How much?"

"Would fifty thousand yen do?"

Gin grinned at the dog. "Now we're talking. Let's go and beat up that pig!"

As they walked onto the ship, Gin tripped and bumped into the dog, hitting one of the buttons on the dog's collar. Instantly, a steel caged ring popped up out of the ground, with Gin being the only one inside of it. Then, from a trapdoor, there rose a huge monster with green skin and shaggy hair.

"What the hell is that thing?" Gin screamed, grabbing on to the sides of the cage to try to escape.

"I was going to use Gouriki only in desperate circumstances, but you accidentally summoned him." The dog barked. "You're on your own now, Prince. Go get him."

Gin pulled out his wooden sword. "I was hoping that I wouldn't have to use this, but you've force my hand." He swung the sword at the creature, but upon contact, the sword broke into two. "What the hell?"

The creature only grunted as it charged at Gin. When Gin saw what he was up against, he did the only logical thing—he ran away screaming. The creature proceeded to chase Gin around, drooling and snarling.

"Prince!" The dog called. "Don't just run away! You can beat this thing. I know that you can."

"I'm a swordsman!" Gin snapped. "I can't do squat without the sword."

"Yes you can!" The dog yelped. "Look deep inside you and you'll find the key."

"If I stop to think about it, I'll really be looking at my torn out insides!" Gin was still running circles around the ring, but now he was visibly tiring, and Gouriki was catching up.

The dog groaned and covered his eyes as the monster finally caught up to Gin. Panting angrily, Gouriki seized Gin in a massive bear hug. No matter how Gin struggled, he could not break free.

The dog whined and covered its eyes. "I can't watch. The prince is going to die such a gross death."

"Hey, weren't you supposed to be cheering for me?" Gin complained, gasping for breath as his chest was crushed by Gouriki.

"Prince, maybe you should think back to something in your past. It might help you win!"

"Okay…" Gin closed his eyes, trying to remember something useful. The only thing that he could remember was that he had watched the Three Stooges on TV last night. Out of the blue, and idea came to him.

As the dog watched, Gin held up his fingers in a victory sign. Gouriki stared confusedly at the silver haired samurai. Then, with a cry of "Nyuk-nyuk-nuk!" Gin stuck his extended fingers into Gouriki's eyes. The beast released Gin and stumbled backwards, wailing in pain.

"Thank you, Moe." Gin landed on his feet, grabbing the ropes for support. "If not for your antics, I'd be six feet under by now."

Gouriki, having recovered, now pounced at Gin again. Gin, grabbing what was left of his sword, leapt up into the air.

"Okay, now stay the way you are and let me try out this attack that I learned from Jump." Gin began to descend, holding out his sword. "Hammer style: Piko Piko Mallet!"

The remains of the sword crashed down on Gouriki's head. With a loud groan, the monster fell, unconscious.

"Well, I guess we can go now." Gin began climbing out of the ring. However, he did not see Gouriki give a twitch from behind him.

"Prince, be careful!" The dog barked.

"What?" Before Gin could react, Gouriki had sprung up and reached for him. Luckily for Gin, two bombs came flying out of the air at this time and blew up in Gouriki's face. The cage was completely destroyed while Gin was blown into the air, landing on top of the dog's space ship with a thump. The glass below him proceeded to shatter and he landed on the control board, crushing it and sending sparks flying everywhere.

"Oh no, what have you done?" The dog rushed in, yipping frantically. "The controls are shot! Now we can't go back home even if we wanted to."

"Why are you blaming me?" Gin snapped. "It was you who was carrying that thing around."

"So? It was you who had to press the button!"

"So? I wasn't the one who blew up the ring!"

"Well, it sure wasn't me either!" To make his point, the dog bit Gin's head.

"Wait…I know someone who'd do that." Gin started throwing things out of a closet that was conveniently located in the ship. "Before I can find him, I need a suit of decent clothes." After much searching, he finally found a pair of black leather pants. "Well, this'll have to do."

"Hey, where are you going?" The dog barked as Gin rushed out of the door with the pants on.

* * *

Gin panted as he caught up to the figure with the large cowboy hat. "What's the big idea, pal? Why did you blow up that ring when I was still in it?" 

"I was merely trying to help you." The man stated. "The monster would have killed you had I not intervened, Gintoki."

"Well, guess what! Those bombs almost killed me anyway." Gin growled. "Why don't you take off that hat so I can see if you're who I think you are?"

"It would be unnecessary, Gintoki." The man smiled under the hat. "If I am who you suspect me to be, then you already know the reason for my disguise."

"Dammit, Zura; if you weren't such a gloomy terrorist, then we wouldn't need any of this."

"It's not Zura--it's Katsura." The man snapped. "Besides, shouldn't I be the one to ask what you were doing in that ring?"

"Well…it's a long story." Gin scratched his naturally curly head. "I'll tell it to you another time.

"Prince, there you are!" The huge dog from before, seemingly overjoyed, bit on to Gin's head.

"What the hell…" Katsura pointed to the dog. "…is that thing?"

"I'm not a thing!" The dog barked. "I'm a dog god from Planet Silver, and I'm here to retrieve my master, Gintoki Sakata, Prince of Planet Silver."

"What?" Katsura's eyes widened.

"Don't worry, Zura. Just keep telling yourself that this is some sort of mass hallucination, and you'll be okay."

Katsura looked from Gin to the dog and then back to Gin, not even able to correct Gin on his name. After turning his head around a few times, he decided the best way to process this information would be to temporarily shut off his mind and deal with the situation later.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing, Zura?" Gin shook his friend violently when he saw that Katsura had, for lack of a better word, fainted.

"Wow, your friends sure pass out easily."

"Shut up and help me carry him back," Gin muttered. "I'm charging you extra for the trouble that you've caused me."

* * *

"This is your place?" The dog barked out as he stared at the two-story house. 

"Yeah, but only the top floor. The bottom is a shop that no one ever visits." Gin dragged Katsura up the stairs. "Zura, lose some weight next time."

The dog sniffed at Katsura suspiciously. "Do you think we can trust him?"

"Of course we can—he may be a gloomy terrorist, but he's still my friend." Gin grinned evilly. "Besides, I've got a load of dirt that I wouldn't hesitate to spill if he ever betrayed me."

After they were finally inside, Gin threw Katsura on the couch and gasped for breath for a while. The dog stared at the spectacle curiously.

"You know, Prince, you're really out of shape."

"Shut up!" Gin gasped. "I just had to defeat that giant monster and then drag my unconscious friend up the stairs. Of course I'd be tired."

"But you're a superhero—shouldn't you be able to do better?"

Gin growled. "Dammit, dog. Don't you have anything better to do than to cause me trouble and make snide remarks?"

The dog proceeded to bite Gin on the head. "You're avoiding the issue, Prince. The truth is that you aren't living up to your potential. This is exactly why you need training."

Gin stared up at the dog. "This is all your fault to start with. If you hadn't barged in on my conversation with Zura, then this wouldn't have happened."

The dog whined looked guiltily at its feet. "Actually, I have some bad news."

"Things can't get any worse, so you might as well as say it."

"Well…the truth is…" The dog mulled it over in his head for a little bit. "The controls for the ship are shot. We won't be able to get to Planet Silver for the next couple of days. Looks like we need to stay on Earth for a while longer."

Gin sighed. "And here I thought you were going to say something really bad. Tell you what—since we have some time left over, I'll just take a nap."

The dog stared at Gin for a bit, and then decided that he might as well as also go to sleep. After all, he needed his energy to fix the spaceship. Soon, the apartment was filled with the snoring of the three sleepers. Well, two sleepers and one man passed out, but that didn't matter.


	2. Your best friend could be an alien

Katsura woke up to the sight of Gin hovering over him, poking him with a chopstick. It was then that he realized that he was lying on Gin's couch, a table covered in old noodle boxes in front of him.

"I don't know how the hell you're doing this, Zura, but somehow you're the last one to wake up, even though you're the one who passed out first." Gin griped, slurping some instant ramen.

"Gintoki, it's Katsura, not Zura." Katsura shook his head slowly. "I…had the weirdest nightmare. It had you and this giant dog…and you were from another planet. Thank the gods that it was only a nightmare."

"Ruff!' Just then, the dog announced his presence, carrying a mop and a bucket in its mouth.

"Well, I guess you are useful for doing stuff other than biting people's heads." Gin shrugged. "Good job cleaning the bedroom."

Katusra stared hard at the dog. "That nightmare…wasn't a dream."

Gin nodded slowly. "Yep, the dog's real. It even hurts when it bites your head."

"This is real…" Katsura muttered. "If this is real, then…" He suddenly stared a Gin. "You're from another planet!"

"Sure seems like it." Gin replied, picking his nose.

"You're from another planet…and you didn't tell me!" Katsura grabbed Gin by the front of his shirt. "Explain this to me now!"

"Simple: this dog came out of no where and told me that I was the prince of his planet or something." Gin stared back at Katsura. "I'm as confused as you are right now."

"You lied to me my entire life!" Katsura screamed, shaking Gin.

"Stop being so dramatic." Gin shouted back as his head bobbed back and forth because of Katsura's shaking. "I'm still the same old Gintoki."

"Don't make light of the matter! I thought I knew you, Gintoki, but now it seems that I really don't. I though you were human like the rest of us; I thought you were my best friend. But now, it turns out that you were an Amanto all along! How long have you been deceiving me?"

"How the hell should I know? I thought I was human too; then this dog comes and turns everything upside down."

"Were you ever truly my friend, Gintoki? Or was I just another part of your Amanto schemes?"

"I told you, I'm still the same old Gintoki. I haven't changed because I was from another planet or anything. I never knew that I was and Amanto before today. For your information, I'm still your friend and I never tried to manipulate you." Gin pouted. "I thought you of all people would believe me."

Katsura sighed and let go of Gin. "Gintoki, I believe what you just said…if only for the fact that you're too lazy to plot anything."

Gin groaned and rubbed his neck. "Just stop being so dramatic. So what if I'm from another planet? I consider Earth my home."

The dog stared at the bickering friends and then decided to distance itself from the argument. As it walked away, it stepped on the remote, turning on the TV.

"This is Ketsuno Ana with breaking news!" The face of a pretty female announcer appeared on the TV.

"Hey, it's Ketsuno Ana!" Gin broke away from Katsura and began to drool at the TV.

"Gintoki, what are you doing."

"I'm watching her. I always love her programs." Gin replied, eyes glued to the TV. "Ketsuno Ana has got to be the best reporter that there is."

"As I was, saying, I have breaking news: an Amanto calling itself Abdullah is attacking the terminal! All attempts to stop it have failed. We are waiting for Special Forces to be dispatched…" Ketsuno Ana reported. On the TV, a large, black alien was rampaging around the tall space shuttle station called the terminal.

"Looks like the Amanto are finally getting what they deserve." Katsura snorted. "After all these years of grinding our spirit in the dust, they shall finally fall."

Gin ignored his friend as he kept his eyes on the TV. "What's that got to do with us? The cops are gonna take care of it anyway."

Katsura growled. "Gintoki, we could use this opportunity to drive out the Amanto for good. Why are you still so nonchalant?"

"I told you—I gave up that Joi stuff up years ago." Gin picked his nose. "That just didn't pay off for me."

Katsura was about to say something, but on the TV, Abdullah's foot suddenly smashed into a sweets shop. Gin's eye widened and his hand suddenly clutched the remains of his sword tightly.

"Zura, I'm going out for a while. Watch the house for me." Gin called as he ran out of the door."

"It's Katsura, not Zura; and where are you going?" Katsura rushed out after Gin.

"That monster just smashed my favorite sweets shop." Gin's eyes filled with a dangerous light. "Now it's personal!"

"Gintoki, what are you thinking about going against that thing with only a broken wooden sword?" Kastura yelled after Gin as the latter took off on his scooter. "I'll go with you!"

The dog came rushing up to Katsura. "This is the perfect chance for the prince to get some training. It looks like he just realized that too."

"Forgive me, but can I get a ride?" Katsura turned to the dog. As a reply, the dog simply bit his head. Katsura pulled his head out and climbed on the dog, kicking it gently in the side to spur it into action. "Gintoki, wait for me!"

* * *

"Alright, you big piece of garbage," Gin pointed his splintered wooden sword at the rampaging monster. "Do you know that the shop you just destroyed was the only shop that sells twelve pack donuts for less than 500 yen? Well, did you? In the name of the sweets from that shop that I'll never be able to enjoy again, I'm taking you down!"

Revving up his scooter, Gin charged Abdullah. However, the monster simply swiped Gin away with his hand, sending Gin and his scooter crashing into the ground. Before Abdullah could step on Gin, Katsura arrived, riding on the dog.

When they got close enough to the monster, Katsura jumped off the dog and left it to its own devices. The dog's running slowed to stroll as it stepped up to the terminal and proceeded to mark it as his property using a method available only to canines.

"Gintoki, rushing this monster with only half of a broken sword is suicide. You're better off leaving this to me." Katsura called, pulling out a bomb. "I'll take care of this thing."

"I thought you didn't care if Amantos were getting slaughter." Gin groaned, pulling himself out of the crater that had been created by his impact.

"I don't, but I'd rather die before I let that thing kill my best friend." Katsura hurled the bomb at Abdullah.

Abdullah easily caught the bomb in its hand. It flipped it over, examining it from all sides. Before it could understand what the spherical object was, it exploded in the monster's face, blowing off both of its hands. As Abdullah reared back, howling in pain, Katsura jumped up and cut it in half with his sword. The two halves fell to the ground with a mighty thud, twitched, and then fell still.

"Wow, the day has suddenly been saved by a mysterious new hero. Please, sir, tell us, what is your name?" Ketsuno Ana ran up and held a microphone out to Katsura.

"Who does that bastard think he is?" Gin growled in jealousy. "Putting on a show just to get an interview with Miss Ketsuno. What happened to that blurb about friendship?"

"I-I'm…You may call me Katsura…man." Katsura blurted out. "Yes, I'm Katsuraman, a superhero who was raised in America. I recently got back to see the monster attacking my native country, so I destroyed it." Katsura laughed nervously. "I'll just be leaving now."

"Hey you, human. Don't just leave." An Amanto dressed in the uniform of a high-ranking official stepped out to the crowd. "If you leave like this, it'll make us look like ungrateful bastards." He pulled out a wad of bills and threw it at Katsura's face. "Here, you humans are always looking for money, aren't you? Take this and go gamble with it or something."

Katsura stared scornfully as the money hit the ground. "I didn't save you for the money. Take it back."

The official snorted. "You foolish earthlings don't even know good luck when you see it. Fine—you can go back and starve however you like. After all, you're the one who rejected my good will."

"Gintoki, what are you doing?" Katsura hissed when he saw Gin crawl on the ground, picking up the bills.

"Hey, since you don't want it, this money is easy pickings." Gin shot back, still scampering for the bill. "Do you know how many parfaits I could buy with this?"

"That's right, scamper for it like the lowlife scum that you are." The Amanto laughed. "You earthlings are animals that would do anything, no matter how dirty, for food or money. That's why you're only fit to be governed by us."

"On second thought, this money belongs to you. My ma always taught me not to take what wasn't mine." Gin shoved the money back at the Amanto.

"Who do you think you are?" The Amanto snapped. "Fine then—don't come back with your tail between your legs if you regret your decision."

Katsura opened his mouth to fire off a scathing retort, but was interrupted by the sound of more than thirty cameras clicking. The reporter at the scene all mobbed him, asking for an interview. Gin used this chance to ride away on his scooter and leave "Katsuraman" to fend for himself.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, Katsura was seen in the spotlight more and more as he slew many monsters attacking Edo. Gin, of course, tried to resume his life of lazing about and eating sweets, but found himself perpetually bothered by the dog, who always tried to drag him on monster extermination trips, even if it was Katsura who always ended up killing the monsters in the end.

"Katsuraman saves city again." Gin skimmed through the newspaper. "You know, I'll never get that Zura. One minute he's saying that he hates Amanto and will do anything to get rid of them, and the next minute he's saving them from the monster of the day. Plus, what sort of name is Katsuraman? Does he think adding a 'man' after his name instantly makes him cool and superhero-ish or something?"

"Well, Prince, it does sound like a very nice superhero name." The dog barked out. "Maybe you should try to get a super-alias as well. People might take you more seriously."

'Fine," Gin muttered. "Let's see…how about Gintamaman?"

"Gintamaman…what sort of name is that?" The dog whimpered confusedly.

"Well, it's a lot more creative than Katsuraman, that's for sure." Gin leaned back on the couch and picked up the remote control. "Now, what's on TV…?"

At this time, the doorbell rang. Gin got up and opened the door, only to see Katsura standing on the other side.

"Gintoki, I have important matters to discuss with you." Katsura pushed his way into the house.

"Oh really? I thought that the fame had gone to your head and you forgot all about me." Gin declared sarcastically, even though Katsura was ignoring him. "Seriously, Zura, what's going on? Why are you suddenly turning into some sort of monster-slaying superhero?"

"It's Katsura, not Zura. It was so that I could publicly spread the word of the Joi Shishi and recruit more to my cause." Katsura threw a sword at Gin. "I will always have a spot open for you in the Joi. Come back and fight with us as the 'White Demon' again."

"And I will always refuse your offer, as I hate working with gloomy terrorists." Gin threw the sword back. "You didn't come here just to make that stale offer for the sixteenth time in a row, did you?"

"First, it's patriotism, not terrorism. The Amanto are the invaders, what is wrong with driving them out? Second, I've been appointed Japan's sole hero today." Katsura pulled out a star shaped "hero" badge out of his cowboy vest and showed it to Gin. "Using my position as Japan's only hero, I can gather members for the Joi Faction and strengthen its ranks. Our dream of expelling the Amanto from Japan will become a reality. This is why I am asking you to join me. With your help, we will definitely topple the Bakufu and free our motherland."

"No thanks, Zura." Gin lay down on his couch. "With you as Japan's sole hero, that dog over there doesn't have any excuse to drag me out to destroy monsters anymore. I might as well as get some rest."

"Is this the Odd Jobs Gin place?" A young Amanto boy burst through the door. "Please; Alien Sheik is attacking the city. I need you to save my dad!" He smashed a piggy bank on top of Gin's table. "There's not much there, but I really want to hire you!"

"Wait a minute. You got the wrong person. This is Japan's sole hero—you should ask him about the monster killing and people saving stuff." Gin pointed toward Katsura. "I'm in the odd jobs business, not the hero business."

"We have breaking news!" Ketsuno Ana announced from the TV. "Alien Sheik has kidnapped Parliament Member Kyme and is still holding him hostage." The TV displayed the monster kicking over a police car while holding the Amanto official who had thrown the wad of money at Katsura in one hand.

"That's my dad! Mr. Katsuraman, please help me save my dad!" The boy cried.

"Why would I want to save that dirty Amanto? He's just getting what he deserves!" Katsura snapped. "Treating us humans as garbage…he doesn't care how many of us have to be sacrificed for his needs!"

"Look Katsura, the kid's just asking you to save his dad, so save him already." Gin muttered, picking his nose.

"Please, Mr. Katsuraman!" The boy sniffed as tears came to his eyes. "If you don't hurry, my dad's gonna…"

"Shut up!" Katsura yanked his hand away from the boy. "How many souls have that bastard ground into the dust? If your father was an innocent human, then I would save him, but I'm not saving a dirty Amanto!"

Before Katsura could get any further, Gin's fist smashed into his face. Katsura was thrown into a pile of boxes lying stacked in a corner of the living room while Gin picked up the Amanto boy's money and handed it back to its owner.

"Hey kid, consider this a freebie." Gin and the boy began to walk out of the door. "I'll help you save your dad."

"Gintoki…Why?" Katsura whispered, looking up at Gin.

"For once, I'm not thinking about that jackass as the jerk who doesn't give two bag of crap about us—I'm thinking about him as the kid's father." Gin replied without looking back. "I'm saving him because he's the kid's father and nothing else."

"But still…" Katsura stood up and followed Gin.

"Zura, do you remember when we were fighting together, and all of the war orphans that we'd see. You know, the ones who you always said should not have lost their parents in such a way nor lived such miserable lives?" Gin stared back at Katsura. "Do you want this child to be added to their ranks?"

"First, it's Katsura and not Zura. Second, you're not authorized to fight the monster! The police could hurt you on accident. This is suicide, Gintoki!" Katsura protested.

"This is coming from the mouth of the guy who won't shut up about the Japanese Spirit." Gin grinned. "If that spirit that you're always yammering on about really exists, then it'll protect me."

Katsura watched silently as Gin and the child took off on Gin's scooter. Then, without hesitation, he leapt on the dog and spurned it into action. The two teams took off toward the monster running amok.

* * *

People screamed and ran in all directions as Alien Sheik swiped at them with its claws. Kyme felt his head swirl around as the monster swung the hand holding him at a helicopter. Mentally, Kyme made out provisions for his last will and testament. His only regret was that he could not take his son out fishing like he had promised.

"Hey monster, incoming!" A silver colored scooter crashed into the monster's face as a samurai with silver, curly hair jumped off, holding Kyme's son. The samurai then smashed his wooden sword directly in Alien Sheik's eye.

"Here's a second helping!" Katsuraman also jumped at Alien Sheik and stabbed his sword into its nose. "Gintoki, leave this fight to me. Go save that boy's father!"

To Kymje's shock, the silver haired samurai jumped onto the monster's shoulder, ran up its arm, and slashed at its fingers with his wooden sword. A nasty crack sounded as the Alien Sheik's fingers broke. Kyme found himself falling down, but landed on something soft and furry before he could hit the ground. When he came to, he saw that he was being carried by a giant dog.

"Hey dog—Prince's orders: get that Amanto jackass and his son out of here. It's dangerous." The silver haired samurai called, joining his friend in attacking the monster.

"W-why?" Kyme asked, stupefied.

"It's because you're that kid's father…and I like that kid." The silver haired samurai fended off an attack from Alien Sheik. "Go and take your son fishing after this or something."

"I originally didn't want to come, but a friend of mine persuaded me to act like a hero." Katsuraman smiled, thrusting his sword into Alien Sheik's palm. "I'm afraid I'll have to give up that 'Japan's sole hero' position. As long as a certain someone I know still lives and breathes, I can not be called the only hero in Japan."

"B-but you're humans! Humans aren't…"

"We can understand emotions such as love and fear and the whole caboodle." The silver haired samurai snapped. "We're stupid, but we're not as stupid as you think."

Kyme could only watch in silence as the two samurai destroyed the monster. Although he had consider humans the scum of the galaxy, the two in front of him had fought and defeated a monster, and saved him as well, with their own, human strength. Perhaps he had been wrong about humans after all.

* * *

Gin lay back in his couch, wincing at the pain in his ribs. The nasty bruise that Alien Sheik gave him had still yet to disappear. Meanwhile, the dog was sniffing around in a pile of Gin's old clothes.

"Huh, so that Keg guy has decided to campaign for human rights now. Sure is a big change of heart." Gin picked up a newspaper from his table.

"Ruff!' The dog barked. On his translator, it displayed "I think it's Kyme."

"Kyme, Keg, what the difference?" Gin threw his newspaper down and flipped on the TV. "I'm just glad the whole thing's over."

"Aren't you glad about gaining an ally in your mission to protect the Earth?" The dog asked.

"I don't really care. As long as things can go back to the way they were before, Zura can stand in the spot light for as long as he wants. I'll just stay home and watch Ketsuno Ana on TV." Gin drooled as he focused on the reporter in question.

"But I don't think things are gonna go back to normal anytime soon, Prince." The dog yipped cheerfully, eliciting a groan from Gin.


	3. All finishers need flashy names

Gin sighed as he flipped through the channels

Gin sighed as he flipped through the channels. It was still some time until Ketsuno Ana's show, but he had nothing else to do.

"We are here now outside of the snack house that Katsuraman, the well know superhero, has been know to frequent. What is it exactly that attracts even superheroes to this place?" A voice announced from outside of Gin's house.

"Miss Ketsuno Ana! It's really you!" Gin cried, rushing out the door. "Could you give me an autograph? I've always wanted one!"

"Are you the house's owner?" Ana asked, placing the microphone next to Gin's face. "What is your relationship with Katsuraman?"

"I'm his best friend—and I 'm better than him at the hero business." Gin announced arrogantly. "You should give me an interview—but before that, could I have your autograph?"

"Sure." Ana signed the notebook that Gin was holding out. "What's your name, hero?"

"It's Gintamaman."

"Well, Mr. Gintamaman, I've seen you less than Katsuraman. What are you so busy with that you can't fight monsters?" Ana asked curiously.

"I do other hero stuff." Gin waved his hand, dismissing the question. "It's complicated."

"Well then, one last question. Do you have a finishing move?" Ana stared at Gin intently. "Come on, please answer."

"What's a finishing move?" Gin was completely taken aback by the question.

"You know; the moves you use to end a battle, like Katsuraman's Brain Buster. Do you have one? If you do, what's the name?"

"Of course I have one!" Gin exclaimed after a long period of hesitation. "It's a super cool move three—no four—times as awesome Zura's finisher."

"What's the name?"

"It's uh…so cool that I don't have a name for it yet. Everything I've thought of can't properly describe its coolness." Gin answered, drenched in cold sweat. The truth was that he had not known what a finisher was until a couple of minutes ago, so he of course did not have one.

"This concludes our interview with Katsuraman's pal—Gintamaman. We will see you next time: when we finally find out the name of Gintamaman's super cool finishing move." After wrapping up the interview, Ana bowed to the camera and left the snack house along with her crew.

"Aw man, why did I have to be such an idiot?" Gin cried as soon as Ana was out of hearing distance. "Ketsuno Ana, the Ketsuno Ana, came to interview me and I acted like a complete moron. And what was that about finishing moves? I don't even have one! What am I gonna do tomorrow? I'll look like a bigger fool on national TV."

"Don't worry, Prince." The dog barked, chewing on Gin's head. "You're already a fool. We all know that."

"Shut up!" Gin yelled and punched the dog into the air. "I don't need you around to rub salt in my wounds!"

"Prince, why don't you just invent a finisher?" The dog's translator displayed as the dog let out a chain of barks.

"Yeah…I'll just invent one before tomorrow." Gin exclaimed hopefully. However, a second later, reality came crashing back down. "How am I supposed to come up with a battle-ending move that doesn't involve a sword in such a short amount of time?"

"What are you doing, Gintoki?" Gin looked up to see Katsura standing in front of him.

"Zura, I never thought I'd say this, but thank god you're here!" Gin grabbed Katsura's legs. "You have to help me think up a finishing move!"

"First, it's not Zura—it's Katsura. Second, what's this business about finishers?" Katsura glanced down at Gin.

"Ketsuno Ana came to interview me today! I wanted to look cool in front of her so I told her I knew a finisher cooler than yours! But the truth is I don't have one! I need to make one up before she comes again tomorrow! Help me, Zura!" Gin babbled quickly.

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura!" Katsura snapped. "Hold on, Gintoki. Let me process this. You lied about having a finisher to Ketsuno Ana, and no you want to me to help you think up a finishing move before you make a fool of yourself on national television."

"Yes!"

"Sorry, Gintoki, but I cannot help you. A finishing move must come from the heart. If I taught you a finishing move, then it would not be your finishing move—it would be mine." Katsura replied.

"He's right, Prince." Sadaharu barked.

"What sort of friend are you, Zura?" Gin snapped.

"It's not Zura—It's Katsura! Maybe I'll help you with a finishing move if you agree to join the Joi…"

"Forget it." Gin snorted. "I'll just come up with one myself."

"Just find one out of your millions of Jump issues." Katsura muttered.

"What did you say?" Gin grinned. "Zura, you're a genius! I'll take a finishing move out of Jump! A finishing move without using swords!"

As Katsura watched, Gin plunged into his pile of comics. The dog ran up and bit Gin's head, notifying him that Katsura was still there. Gin took only a few seconds shooing Katsura away before plunging back into his comics.

* * *

"Harusame is attacking?" Hasegawa Taizo exclaimed, standing in front of his boss. "I-impossible!"

"Unfortunately, the information is very true. Just three hours ago, we received intelligence from one of our agents that the Harusame space pirates are attacking with three of their squadrons. They will arrive within a half hour." Hasegawa's boss took a puff from his cigar.

"Sir, what can we do? We couldn't possibly mobilize enough troops in that limited time!"

"Exactly—this is why we must ask for help."

"From who?"

"Who do you think?" Hasegawa's boss smirked. "It's time our new superheroes proved their true worth, don't you think? Make a call to Katsuraman and Gintamaman. Tell them to stall for as long as we can while we mobilize our troops."

"You can't be serious!" Hasegawa pounded his fist on his boss's desk. "Katsuraman I can understand, but such a useless choujin as Gintamaman…?"

"There's always the chance that Harusame will take one look at him and run away from embarrassment due to having to fight such a loser." Hasegawa's boss replied. "Besides, we need as many men as we can get."

"I understand. I will go call them right away." Hasegawa bowed to his superior. "Should I aid them in distracting Harusame?"

"You're a choujin, aren't you? Go right ahead."

"As you command."

"Oh, and another thing." Hasegawa's boss called as Hasegawa turned to leave. "Prince Hata is coming to Earth. Make sure that you take care of this before he arrives."

* * *

The sound of knocking awoke both Gin and the dog. They both instantly dashed to the door, with Gin pushing the dog out of the way so he could open the door and see Ketsuno Ana. The dog bit his head in retaliation.

"Hi there, Miss Ketsuno Ana." Gin grinned as charmingly as he could. "Time for my close-up?"

Instead of being overwhelmed by his good looks as Gin had expected, Ketsuno Ana shrieked and jumped back. However, her action was understandable, as Gin currently looked like something out of a horror movie. His eyes were surrounded by big black bags. His chin had a rough, silver five o'clock shadow. A strawberry milk carton was glued to his left cheek by saliva. His clothes were in various forms of disarray and gave off a horrible odor. In addition, blood trickled down his face from the dog's biting.

"Uh…Mr. Gintamaman, maybe you should try to wipe the blood off your face first…." Ana suggested nervously.

"Sure." Gin wiped the blood off with his shirt. "Do you want to see my finishing move now? It took me an entire night without sleeping to come up with it!"

"Uh…I'm sure it'll be a great move…" Ana replied, still nervous.

"Wait!" Hasegawa came running up. "I'm afraid you cannot do an interview at the moment. Gintamaman is desperately needed for something!"

"Could it wait? I have a TV appearance with _Ketsuno Ana_!" Gin griped.

"I'll hire you then. You're a freelancer, right?"

"How much?" Gin asked, picking his nose.

"How would 600,000,00 yen sound?"

"Done!" Gin smiled apologetically at Ana. "Sorry, but something came up. I'll do this tomorrow, okay?"

"Wait just a moment!" Ana snapped. "I already told my station manager that we would have a Gintamaman story today! I've got my slot reserved for my story, and by god, I'm going to get the story that I said I was going to get!"

"Well, I suppose I could let you in on a secret." Hasegawa blushed. Ana's angry pout made her even cuter than she regularly looked. "Space Pirate Harusame has come to Earth to challenge our superheroes. If you want, you can be the first reporter on the scene. Since Gintamaman will be one of the superheroes fighting, this can also function as a Gintamaman story."

"Well, I suppose that will have to do…" Ana turned to her camera crew. "Change of plans! We'll follow Gintamaman to where he'll fight the space pirates!"

* * *

After traveling for a bit in Hasegawa's corporate limo, Gin, Ana, and the crew arrived at the scene. Space Pirate Harusame had already landed, their ships creating an imposing scene.

"Gintoki, what a surprise." Katsura greeted his friend.

"What are you doing here, Zura? This is my show."

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura. I was just here because this man said he needed to talk to me about something. However, come to think of it, Katsuratama has a nice ring, doesn't it? Next week, readers, tune into Katsuratama!"

"Forget it! It's my show!" Gin snapped.

"Mr. Katsuraman, how do you feel about the space pirates invading?" Ketsuno Ana held up her microphone to Katsura.

"Space pirates? I thought these were parade floats." Katsura stated flatly, causing everyone to face-fault. "Well, uh…I guess invading pirates are bad."

"I thought those were sugar trucks…" Gin muttered.

"It seems both our heroes are spacing out. How will they ever save us? Are we doomed to certain death? I'm Ketsuno Ana, please keep on watching to see the results of this exciting battle!" Ana announced to the television.

"Citizens of Earth, as you know, we have come to settle a score with your government for interfering with our profits." A voice boomed from the Harusame ships. "However, we are not unreasonable! We will allow one of your warriors to engage in single combat with one of our warriors. If your warrior wins, then we will spare your planet."

"Oh, Harusame has issued a challenge! Which one of our heroes will accept it? Will they succeed in defeating the enemy?" Ana asked, staring hard at the ships.

"Say, Zura, why don't you save the Earth, like you always do? I'll just go back to my apartment and drink some strawberry milk." Gin tried to sneak away.

"Gintoki, didn't you say this was your show? Go and show those people in front of the television your samurai spirit." Katsura grabbed Gin's collar.

"What's with you, Zura? I thought you were the radical alien hating terrorist. There's aliens right there—go kill them. Further the reputation of your Joi or something." Gin retorted.

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura!"

"Prince, don't be such a coward." The dog's collar displayed as he bit Gin in the head.

"I'm sorry. I did not tell you the true danger behind this task." Hasegawa pushed up his sunglasses. "Would you be fine if I raised the fee to 800,000,000 yen?"

"Count me in." Gin yanked out his wooden sword. "With my wooden sword and new finishing move, I can beat anything. Then, I'll be able to splurge on parfaits and strawberry milk!"

"The bakufu might be nothing but the puppets of the Amanto, but the space pirates are even more despicable. I will support you in your fight against them, Gintoki." Katsura asserted.

"Well, Zura, shall we go get them?" Gin grinned.

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura. Let's go, Gintoki!"

"Well, please select your fighter." The voice from the ship boomed again.

"I'll go." Gin hopped in front of the ship. "Give me everything you've got!"

A hatch on the ship opened, and a large gorilla jumped out. Gin squeaked and jumped back. Even Sadaharu jumped back in fear.

"No one told me that I'd be fighting that thing!"

"Gintamaman, I'm counting on you!" Ana's eyes glowed with hope.

"What's that gorilla compared to me? I'll take it down in three seconds!" Gin bragged.

"That's the way to do it, prince!" The dog cheered while biting Katsura's head.

A bell sounded from the ship, signaling that it was time to begin. The gorilla charged toward Gin, ready to tear him limb from limb. Gin jumped in the air, stepping on the gorilla's head to land behind the monster.

"Prepare to face my ultimate move!" Gin balled his hand into a fist. "Rocket Hundred Fissure Shooting Star…" Before Gin could finish, the gorilla's fist slammed into his face.

"Prince, what are you doing?" The dog barked in alarm. To calm himself, he bit Katsura's head.

"I'm trying to use my finishing move!" Gin snapped. "Let's try this again. Rocket Hundred…" Once again, the gorilla's fist smashed into his face.

"Maybe if you used a shorter name…" Zura suggested.

"Shut up, Zura! Every finishing attack needs to have a cool name!" Gin growled. "The gorilla just has no appreciation for class!"

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura!"

"Well, if your finishing move really is that awesome then save it for later! Don't waste it right off the bat!" Hasegawa snapped. "Weaken the monster with other moves first!"

"Now there's advice that's useful! Zura, take some notes!" Gin called as he avoided another of the gorilla's punches. He then ran up the gorilla's arm and delivered a kick to its face.

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura!" Katsura yelled as the dog clamped down on his head.

Gin once again used the gorilla's head as a stepping stone to jump into the air. He then smashed his wooden sword down on the gorilla's head. The gorilla, grunting in pain, grabbed Gin by the leg and slammed him into the ground. Gin pulled himself out of the crater and stabbed the gorilla in the hand with his wooden sword. The gorilla raised his hand to slam Gin to the ground again, but Gin pulled his sword out and leapt up, kicking the gorilla in the neck.

"It seems that Gintamaman is winning! Look at his breathtaking series of attacks on the gorilla monster! It seems we have hope after all!" Ana announced. However, her eyes widened in shock when she saw that Gin's attacks had almost no effect. "I don't believe this! Gintamaman's attacks have barely scratched the gorilla!"

"It seems normal attacks won't do anything." Hasegawa called. "Try confusing it…"

"…And then finding a weakness to strike!" Katsura finished Hasegawa's sentence.

"What's with you? Stealing my lines like that! This is only my first appearance!" Hasegawa growled at Katsura.

"Well, I haven't had any lines in quite a while." Katsura retorted. "I've got a bigger role than you, so I need to get as many lines out as I can."

Hasegawa sighed. "Fine. I'll probably never see you again anyway."

"Cut him some slack, Zura. This is his first appearance." Gin dodged another blow from the gorilla. "At least let him finish his lines."

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura…and pay attention to the monster!"

"Thanks." Gin muttered. "Let's see…how should I confuse it…?"

When the gorilla next threw a punch, Gin ducked under the gorilla's legs. The gorilla, wondering where its opponent had gone, looked around curiously. As it searched for Gin, Gin clung to the hairs on its back, searching for its weakness. After crawling a bit, Gin noticed the fact that its bum was rather bare.

"This is disgusting, but it's for the sake of the Earth." Gin grasped his sword and took a deep breath. Then, he delivered to the gorilla a devastating butt poke.

The gorilla reared back and roared, stamping around in circles due to its pain. After becoming dizzy with spinning around too much, it fell to the ground with a mighty thud.

"Gin…Gintamaman has done it! However unconventionally, he has done it!" Ana cheered. "Gintmaman, what inspired you to strike it there?"

"Well, it was covered in hair except for its ass, so I figured: why not?" Gin explained. "I still wish that I could have gotten a chance to use my finishing move, though."

"B-be careful what you wish for…" Ana stuttered, pointing at the gorilla, which was getting up behind Gin.

"Now you'll taste the fury of my fist!" Gin sheathed his now smelly wooden sword and raised his fists. "Rocket Hundred Fissure Shooting Star Killer Silver Punch!"

Gin's fists shot forward and began to land blows on the gorilla so fast that it seemed he had grown a thousand hands. However, when the smoke cleared, Gin was panting in exhaustion and the gorilla completely unharmed.

"That was your finishing move?" Ana screamed in exasperation. "You gave it such a long title and in the end it was just a stream of punches like spam e-mails?"

"Why the hell did you give it so much fanfare if it was just a punch?" Hasegawa yelled. "I was hanging on to the seat of my pants for that?"

"It…had good speed." The dog tried his best to comfort Gin.

"Gintoki…if you were just going to do that, you could have just used your sword…" Katsura muttered.

"Shut up!" Gin snapped. "Don't you realize how long I took to come up with that move? Or how long I took to come up with the name? I spent an entire night looking over issues of Jump just to find the perfect move!"

"Now is not the time! The gorilla's got a hostage!" True to Hasegawa's words, the gorilla had grabbed Ketsuno Ana and was now running away with her. Hasegawa tried to stop the gorilla, but the gorilla laid him flat with one swipe of its paws.

"What?" Gin grabbed his sword. "Unforgivable! You there, dog, give me a ride!"

The dog bit Gin's head once in reply, but then let go and allowed Gin and Katsura to ride on him. They pursued the gorilla to the city, where the gorilla had began scaling a tall building. The dog proceeded to mark the building as his property in his unique way.

"Zura, does this remind you of anything?" Gin muttered as he watched the mokeny.

"It's not Zura—it's Katsura. Yes, it does remind me of this movie I saw once in America." Katsura also watched the gorilla climbing the skyscraper.

"Come on, let's take this thing down and then get the money so we can buy strawberry milk." Gin wiped his sword on the dog's fur, which earned him a bite in the head. He then held the sword in his mouth and began to climb after the gorilla.

"Hold on!" Hasegawa came running up. "I just got a call from Prince Hata. He wants that gorilla as a pet, so you can't hurt it!"

"Prince Baka? Who's he?" Gin asked, taking his sword out of his mouth.

"He's the Prince of one of our allied planets. If we anger him then we could have a war on our hands." Hasegawa bowed. "In the name of our planet, I ask you not to harm that animal!"

"I don't care." Gin stated. "I don't care about planets and whatnot—not if it means I have to watch people suffer and not be able to do anything about it. That Prince Hata or Baka or Whatever can have what remains of the gorilla after I'm done saving the woman that I love and the innocent people that it's currently terrorizing."

"You…you're the most stubborn little…" Hasegawa was at a loss for words. He could only watch Gin climb the walls with amazing speed and catch up to the gorilla. Again, he could only watch as Gin struck the gorilla thousands of times with his sword within one second. He was unable to take his eyes off of Gin as the silver haired perm samurai landed on the ground, holding Ketsuno Ana in his arms. He did not move even as a limo stopped next to him and a squat, purple alien man ran out yelling at him.

"What did you do to my gorilla? I thought I told you to leave it unharmed!" The purple alien screeched. "I'll make you pay for this or my name isn't Prince Hata!"

"Well, you see…it was destroying a lot of stuff, so Gintamaman had to…" Hasegawa nervously explained.

"I don't care how much it destroys or how many humans get caught up in its playing! Humans are insignificant compared to my pets!" Prince Hata was getting rather angry, although he still looked more stupid than frightening.

"I-uh…" Hasegawa was covered in sweat. "Gintmaman…"

"I had to do what was right." Gin replied. "I just like to walk with my back straight. Even if my body becomes bent, I'll walk with the back of my soul perfectly straight. To do that, I needed to be true to my vow to protect those people of Edo. Why don't you try walking straight? It feels good."

"He also really wanted the strawberry milk." The dog barked.

"Quiet! You're ruining my moment!" Gin growled at the dog, which caused him to be bitten yet again.

"How are you going to pay me back? Huh? Answer me, you shaved monkey!" Hata shouted.

"Shut up, your highness!" Hasegawa slammed a fist into Hata's chin. "I'm not your dog. I'm a man, and from now on I'll walk with my back straight." He pulled out a cigarette and smoked it, pushing his glasses up while doing so. "I might regret it, but for now, I'll just walk with my back straight."

"In the end, I had to use my sword after all." Gin muttered as he walked away.

"Well, you are a samurai, Prince." The dog barked.

"Let's go home already. I need sleep."

"You actually did pretty well, Prince." The dog bit Gin's head in joy. "Wait a second, okay?"

"What are you...?" Gin's eyes widened as he saw the dog squat on the ground and grunt in exertion. "Hold on! You can't poop there! Stop! Please stop!"

As the sun set, two figures could be seen—the dog relieving itself and Gin desperately dragging its collar.


End file.
